Well, I s'pose it's that time of year again.

The time where I run out of things to do and start telling people things they didn't want to know.

For example, today, I will proceed to tell you all about how impatient I am.

I want to grow up.
Move out of my parents house.
Get married.
Have kids.
Watch said kids grow up.
Move out of their parents house.
Get married.
Have kids.
Process repeats until I die.

(Insert here reminder to self that victims cannot worship and only a guilty culprit can but I still feel like ranting and raving)

I'm impatient for all of these things but I'm so far away from every one. I'm not anxious for any boy, but desperately desirous for all the things that society says come from one. no, not even all. I want to be: loved, held, reminded of God's truth, whispered to, smiled at, not alone? (though I'm not alone.)

(Insert here reminder to self that the Lord has already fulfilled every one of these wants but I still want them right here right now from a person I can touch see hold love kiss dream sleep night day tea for two afternoon right here right now)

I confess that I am afraid Jesus will come back to claim His Kingdom before I get any of this.

I am really really afraid of that.
("Only fear the Lord," says 1 Samuel)

But I am still anxious of it.
("Be anxious for nothing," says Phillipians)

Well, I'm troubled.
("Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid," says John)

Well is there nothing that I can be?
No. Trusting, yes. Patient, yes.

("But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control," says Galatians)

Ah! My flesh just wants to be jealous and impatient and afraid and anxious and troubled and pout until I get what I want.

("Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.," says Galatians.)


*headdesk*