Flaws and all.

No one is ever as fearless as they think they are. Oh sure, you may think the whole world is looking down on you and saying, "My, my, but she IS a mess." The truth of it is this: They are too concerned that everyone is looking at them to worry about you. You know that girl who always seems to let the guys treat her any which way, and doesn't make friends with the other girls? Or the boy who gets into too much trouble, who won't open up to anyone? They're only afraid of rejection, just like you. Just like me.

Oh yes, me too. Afraid not only of rejection, but of being left by someone who accepted me. Me with all my flaws and quirks. A sensitive sort might say, "Oh, but we all have flaws." Sure. But no one ever worries about their other seeing flaws in their best friend. No, we're all concerned with ourselves. Our mediocre selves that never seem good enough. And when we are, when someone loves of, not even in spite, but BECAUSE of our flaws? We try to change and get rid of the very reasons they loved us in the first place! What is our obsession with being perfect? EMBRACE your flaws and quirks! They make you unique. No one has the same set as you do. And someone loves them.

When you quit fearing rejection, it's amazing the possibilities that open up. So what if someone rejects you? If they didn't want you, they weren't worth your time anyway. There is someone who wants to be around you--go find them and be busy being around them. And they'll love you. Flaws and all.

We're all afraid of something...and I think it's ourselves.

silver spoon

I hung my mirror on the wall
Did it fall
And break in pieces far too small
to recall

But my luck is far too great
for you to ever hate
Is this a twist of fate
or am I just second-rate

Take my heart, it falls too soon
I have had no silver spoon
Does my offer seem in tune
Does it fade with the moon

I have cried a thousand cries
over you and your lies
Hidden answers in replies
Can I see it in your eyes?

I have lost my way before
I have heard the lion's roar
I have looked for something more
I have pulled until it tore

I hung myself upon the wall
Did I fall
And break in pieces far too small
to recall

lists and other intricacies.

I made a list a few weeks ago to remind myself of the things I enjoy. Then today I remembered of another such list I made almost exactly a year ago. Comparing the two, I gotta say I'm exactly the same.

And yet I'm not. Ah, life is a curious thing.


2009:

Things I like:
Records.
Old movies.
Reading (not just having books).
Clean rooms.
My cats.
Taking pictures.
Being quiet.
Looking ladylike (in jeans and a t-shirt).
Smelling nice.
Hugs.
Tea and coffee.
Soy lattes.
Fred.
BARGAINS.
Cocoa Puffs.
Gilmore Girls.
Cooking.
Listening.
Dancing.
Learning new things.
Doing laundry.
Chocolate ice cream.
Supreme pizza (substitute black olives for mushrooms).
Being silly just because.
Dr Pepper.
Playing outside.
Being efficient.
Writing.
Playing piano.
Making mix CDs for people and finding out they liked it.
Being not hungry.
Cleaning things and being productive.
Organizing.
Getting rid of things.
Eating at home.
Watching movies with people (especially when they don't yell at me for asking questions).
Staying at Hunter's.
Eggs (who would have thought?).
Shopping with Hayley.
My old crappy coat.
Sleeping in.
Driving just because.
A full tank of gas.
NOT WORRYING.
Jeremiah's hugs.
Getting along with Glenn.
Movie nights with Melissa.
Estate sales with Mom.
Talking music with Dad.
Getting compliments (especially when I would have never expected them).
Clean sheets.
Singing at the top of my voice when no one is home.
Planning.
Maps.
Unexpected side trips that aren't stressful because I'm not on a crunch.
Words.
Having a project.
Tacos from Taco Cabana.
PB&J.
Chili cheese fries.
Mom's chicken tortilla soup.
Denny's (not IHOP).
Seeing old friends I actually missed seeing.
Remembering fun times.
Playing with kids.
Watching people grow up.
Nice pianos.

Mostly I just like people I like and that's about it.

He's not on the lists, but I also really like Beethoven.




2008:

Things I like:

Hugs.
Thrift stores.
80s music.
Vinyl records.
Jukeboxes that actually work.
Buying things on clearance.
Washing my hair.
Chinese take-out, chocolate ice cream, and an old movie.
Black olives and peppers on my pizza.
Enchiladas and Spanish rice.
Dancing.
Driving fast at night.
Finding new music.
Buying books.
Getting to read the books I buy.
Finishing a book.
Playing Oregon Trail and laughing when all my friends die because they drown--when out of all of them, I'm actually the one who can't really swim. [note: I have since learned how to swim.]
Sleeping in without sleeping--just laying there pretending I am and thinking.
Wearing crazy socks.
Having a clean room.
Daisies.
Traveling.
Road trips.
Mix tapes.
Making mix cds and randomly being like, "oh, you have to listen to that song...wait, here, it's on this one, take it." and then finding out they loved all of it.
Making references to obscure things and people just accepting them without questioning.
Witty remarks.
Smiling at sad-looking old people in stores.
People with twinkly eyes.
Orange juice.
Free coffee.
Really great lyrics (especially when paired with really great music).
Brownies.
Having a full tank of gas in my car.
Black pens.
Sweaters.
Sharing what I know with people who want to know.
Good jazz.


Things I do not like:

Being ignored.
Asking a direct question and recieving no reply.
Bad coffee.
That same awkward taste in my mouth after a nap, a bad day, or crying.
Terrible music.
Having my invested interests discredited by people who don't know anything about them--especially when they know that's where I place my time.
Dreams that seem to imply something but not knowing what.
Fast food hamburger joints.
Pointless movies that don't even try to be witty or give a great new catchphrase.
Being abandoned.
Having to stop reading a book to do something menial.
Days without music.
Drifting away from close friends.
People just not talking when the should.
Being cold.
Being hot.
Being around people hurting emotionally and not being able to help them.

midnight magnetic poetry inspiration II

The freedom of nature
makes it easy to
appear in command.

We are not.

Scream all you want,
try to balance life,
but everyone said
it would never work.

Welcome to America,
sweetheart.

Home of
baseball, apple pie,
& the electric president.

God bless the USA.

Alphabet Soup

Alphabet soup and the letters
spell out, “I MISS YOU.”
But I ate my words and
looked for some new.
Another spoon brought
“YOU MISS ME,” too.

I added some salt
to spice the phrase.
“I LOVE YOU,” came,
and I was amazed
that a soup knew my
mind, and satiates.